Feeling a little down, again!
Iv'e been feeling sad for a couple days, but today especially. I decided to blog about it in the hopes people will comment to encourage, convict, rebuke, whatever you want. I asked a girl I'm interested in to lunch last Monday and she said yes and to email her with a day we could go. Maybe I got my hopes up to fast, but she didn't email me back once I had given her a day. I don't know why. Maybe she didn't even get it for some reason, but nevertheless, I'm left feeling hopeless once again. On top of that, I bought Garden State today and watched it. Upon seeing it again, I realized how much I loved it and how good it was. But it didn't make me feel good. Instead, I felt even more depressed. I tried to write a song about it, but the words were just bitter and jumbled and I couldn't make sense of them. Also, I watched the finale of The Office on Thursday and it was wonderful. Easily the best finale on TV. But as sweet as the ending was, it left me feeling bittersweet. This may sound cheezy, but the look in Pam's eyes when Jim asked her to dinner made me feel lonely and honestly, jealous, more than it did happy. I know these are fictional shows, but they still have alot of reality behind them. I guess I just want so badly to have someone who looks at me that way. Patience has never been one of my strong characteristics. Maybe I'm not ready. I don't know. It's just hard to enjoy things that deal with relationships with the opposite sex when you don't have one. Maybe I'm just an emotional wreck too. Anyway, I want you all to know that I do feel loved by those around me. In fact, it is the only thing that keeps me going. If you think about me at all during the day, please pray for me. Lord knows I need it!! And also know that without you, my life would be utterly meaningless. Thanks for listening to me vent. Here is a song I wrote a while back while I was in similair state. It's called Shades of Lavender. Much love to you all!!
Shades of Lavender
Shades of Lavender
The Motivation wears so thin, It’s been so long since I felt the tension in my skin
No time for action in this strange attraction to remain pacified.
No time for action in this strange attraction to remain pacified.
Chorus: So I lay here, watching the shapes on the ceiling
Colliding and competing for the right to keep my attention
Waiting for shades of lavender to grace my sky
Bringing something brilliant to my life.
Inspiration knocks on my door
He wants to talk but I feel too bored.
Besides, I’m much too busy to waste my time with someone new.
Faith and I, we used to hold hands, walking down that narrow path.
I must have missed something cause now she’s gone and I feel so lonely
Not to mention, the road is much wider than before.
Colliding and competing for the right to keep my attention
Waiting for shades of lavender to grace my sky
Bringing something brilliant to my life.
Inspiration knocks on my door
He wants to talk but I feel too bored.
Besides, I’m much too busy to waste my time with someone new.
Faith and I, we used to hold hands, walking down that narrow path.
I must have missed something cause now she’s gone and I feel so lonely
Not to mention, the road is much wider than before.
Chorus
Vicious spiral come and claim your prisoner
He’s had enough and he’s ready to give in.
A beautiful arrangement of violins plays the saddest song to accompany this tragic end
Can we afford to waste all this time without searching for something bigger than ourselves.
He’s had enough and he’s ready to give in.
A beautiful arrangement of violins plays the saddest song to accompany this tragic end
Can we afford to waste all this time without searching for something bigger than ourselves.
Chorus
posted by Brent Hitman at 5:37 PM
5 Comments:
I think that lyrically (as I haven't heard the music to any of your songs) this is one of my favorites thusfar. I get sucked into fake stories too. Actually, if it makes you feel better, I wrote Seasonal Affective Disorder after watching the end of season 2 of the office. Yeah. We're pathetic. On another note, Smashing Pumpkins are playing 11 dates in the second half of July at the Fillmore. 25 bucks. Not bad. Let's talk.
Hey man. Just so you know I think about ya a lot, and I know that Ben and Sulonens and others do too. We are prayin' for you and would love to spend more time with ya. I guess being married sorta discounts my validity as a lack-of-love-life consoler, but I do remember what that was like and just wanna let you know that God is faithful. I prayed for Abbey for a long, long time, both alone and with people. God's timing is just not always that of our own. Peace.
Thanks for the comments guys. John, We need to get together sometime soon and hang out. Maybe I can play a couple of my songs for you or something. We'll see. Anyway, about the Smashing Pumpkins, I heard their new single, Tarantula, and it sounds pretty sick. I would love to see them, but I heard all the tickets are already sold out. Figures, I guess. Let me know if you hear any different. Kellen, thanks for the encouragement. I guess it has been even rougher due to the fact that every prospect that comes my way ends up being a dud. Oh well. I guess it is not ultimately up to me and my timing. Thanks again guys!
Brent, due to my lack of school and job, I now have no life. Let's make beautiful music together. With musical instruments.
Rocky's new song is awesome. You can download it from the barsuk website.
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