It's that Time!!

I don't know why, but it seems that every time I post, it is right around a holiday. Maybe because I have more time. I don't know. Life keeps moving. Sometimes I wish it would stop for a while, but it never obeys my orders. I've been going through a real downer period for a while. I think I'm on the other side, but I never can be too sure. Whenever I make it through, something always seems to happen that switches me back into "depression" mode. I thank God for my friends. Without them, I don't think life would be worth living. I am part of a book club with some of my friends that has been awesome. I'm really fascinated by philisophocal literature and the books have been great, but I really think it is the friendships that makes it that much more enjoyable. I'm starting to get back doing music. Ally and I have been playing together more and we even did a completely original cover of the hymn, "For the Beauty of the Earth". Honestly, it was the first time I think I was excited about singing a praise song in a long time. I guess it is easy to feel sorry for yourself when things look shitty and forget to be truly thankful for all that you have. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am blessed in many ways. Just to have friends who truly care about you is worth more than anything else in the world. I know I am a cynical person, and let's face it, it is hard to find anything positive when you see the world through blood-shot eyes. But I'm thankful that love continues to be there and that once in a while, I can actually see clearly.
I'm also starting to see God differently. Although I don't completely understand and probably never will, I think I am realizing that my faith is just that. Mine and no one elses. My belief does not have to hinge upon others and their self-righteousness. For so long, I have battled with believing anything, partly because there is so much of Christian culture that I hate. My faith in God still hangs there, but I distance myself as much as possible because I want so badly not to associate myself with "Christians" at all. But the reality is that I do believe. Even if it wavers all too often, at the end of the day, I am left with only one hope, God is real and He does love me. And I shouldn't have to abandon those beliefs just because I disaggree harshly with 95 percent of people who call themselves "Christians". I think it is the labels. We in society have established what it is to be a christian. I, other than the belief that Jesus is God and died for my sins, have nothing in common with these people. So, naturally, I am not a christian. But perhaps, society has it wrong. Perhaps the labels and the generalization only breeds stereotypes that are stupid and irrelevant. Perhaps who Jesus is and was has nothing to do with the arrogance and self-righteousness we see in christian culture today. I am a christian, not because I bye into the pious bullshit of american christian culture, but because I choose to follow Jesus and look to his example for guidance. Wow, I didn't know it when I sat down to write, but apparently I feel like venting. Anyway, I'd love to hear some thoughts from anyone out there. Even if you think I'm way out of line, I appreciate hearing viewpoints. Have a happy Thanksgiving!!!