What comes from the heart!!

Well, I thought it was time to write again. It's cloudy outside and I just woke up on my day off, feelin a little groggy, but I'll survive. Sunday, I went to see Rocky Votolato in San Francisco with Jordan and Ally. It was the 4th time I had seen him and I think it was my favorite. The opening bands sucked and the crowd was surprisingly lame, but the three of us had alot of fun. The show was great too. Rocky played a great set and mixed up the songs well. The weird thing was nobody cared when Rocky left the stage. Everyone started walking to the exit. So I summoned my courage and yelled for one more song. I think it was just Jordan, Ally and I who were chanting for the encore. It was that bad! He did come back up, which was awesome. He said he was going to play one more song, so I yelled for Cell Mates/Mixtapes. He replied with, "Okay, I'll play two more songs". So he ended the night with my personal request. The band he played with was really tight, too. Everything sounded great. It was a good night. Lately, I can't seem to get my mind off of the importance of honesty and genuiness. Sometimes I like to observe the people I walk by at the JC and I can't help but wonder if they are playing games to try and fit into a unsatisfied culture or if they don't care what people might think and are content to embrace who they are. I guess I wonder alot because that person who plays games, that was me. And it took me a long time to figure out that it's okay to let go and be yourself. It's scary, sometimes really scary, but you feel so much relief when you know it's finally you. No more pretending. I also have been thinking about christianity and how it all fits. I'll use music because that is what I relate to the best. In christianity, you have a ton of songs, some pop, some worship. You have a huge selection of songs that might be able to encourage you in your faith. Why is it that so few measure up? For me, I hear a worship song nowadays and even if the words are glorifying God and are full of praise, I wonder if it was meant to be genuine. Did it come from the heart? Was it passion and emotion that gave birth to the song or was it commercialism? I used to believe that worship songs were cheesy and lame and, in fact, alot of them are. But so are many other types of songs that we listen to in today's music scene. The point is that no matter what a song is about, if it comes from the heart, if it is real and filled with emotion and passion, then it speaks. Allison has been writing alot of songs lately, most of which are "praise songs". When I listen to her play them and sing them, It feels different than any other praise song. I find hope and joy and encouragement behind the lyrics because they are being poured out of her heart. I feel like she is really singing to the Lord. Like it means something. To me, that is far more beautiful and meaningful than to get up on Sunday and sing a bunch of worship songs because that's what we do. Some may disaggree, please feel free to comment with your thoughts. As an artist myself, I have written a decent amount of songs over the past year. I don't think any of them could be called praise songs, however that might be debatable on a couple. I'm fine with that for now. I don't think it has really been on my heart to do so. But after listening to Ally play her songs, it gives me hope that one day, I will be able to write a praise song and have it come from my heart. After all, if we don't live life from the heart, then I don't believe were really living at all. Bye for now!!!

The World spins madly on

Lately, I've been thinking about life. But to be more specific, the slow, dragging meaninglessness of it. I know, some of you might be thinking, "There he goes again, with his neverending pessimism." "Will he never quit"? Probably not!! I can't help it. I hate anything superficial and it seems superficial to me to think life is grand or meaningfull in and of itself. I just don't buy it. I just finished reading The Watchmen, a popular graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Towards the end of the novel, a character feels satisfied in this great catastrophe he has caused. But before another character leaves, he says to him, " I did the right thing, right?" "Jon, it all worked out in the end, right? Jon replies, "Nothing ends, Adrian." "Nothing ever ends". I liked that line alot. We often think we can make a difference and change the way things turn out here on earth. But the truth is, we don't know the future. All we see is each day that is given us. To us, nothing ever ends. I know it's easy to get lost in that, but it is important to think about. I guess it also has been in front of me alot too. I've also been reading Ecclesiastes. The whole book is about taking joy in your life that has been given to you even though it is utterly meaningless. No value or purpose can be found under the sun on its own. Two musical examples that come to mind is the line I had on my blog for awhile from a Counting Crows song called Amy hit the atmosphere. It said, "Today was just a day fading into another". Also, I was listening to Iron and Wine the other day. His album Endless Numbered days I think says it all. The idea that we know our days are numbered and their will be an end to our lives, we don't know when. Not to mention, the more you notice the meaningless of life, the more endless your days seem. I know I 've felt that way often. Everything sort of drags on in slow motion and nothing ever changes. I guess that's why faith makes us stronger. Life can make it seem pretty pointless to believe in anything or hold onto hope at all. If your like me, than you know you can't do it alone. But I can't roll over and die. I have to believe that someday things will change. In the meantime, the joy is, hopefully, watching your faith grow stronger. And Holding close to the one's you love. I hope this finds you well. Bye Bye, bye bye bye bye....