Adolescent Memories!!

I thought it was time to post some more song lyrics. But before I do, let me start by noting I was surprised to see that Adam Duritz did a review on Sufjan Stevens in his new web-review page, which he plugs prefusely on his blog. It is always cool to see famous, mainstream people showing love and appreciation to the more "indie", underground music. Apparently, he is a fan of his. Hopefully Sufjan can get Adam back to where he was with "August" and "Sattelites". Sufjan's songs have alot of passion and truth to them. Anyway, just thought I'd share that. The song I'm about to post is about a relationship I had with a girl in high school. It turned out that she liked me "As a brother", which I think is more of a crushing blow than just saying, "I don't like you"! I, of course, felt like she led me on and maybe she did, but I guess that's not really the point. Looking back, I can see my own feelings for her were definitely twisted. The truth is I wasn't ready. I had no idea about what it meant to give yourself up for someone else. I was a young, horny kid who happened to get along with this girl really well and wanted it to move on to other things. When it didn't, I was crushed. The emotions were real and I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt like hell, but I can see now that it was defintely for the better. We both didn't know what it truly meant to love someone. I guess that's the beauty of God's timing, and the difficulty. It's kind of like my state now. While waiting for a wife really sucks, and I wish I could speed up the process, I think once God does bless me with a wife, I will be able to look back and say, "I wouldn't have it any other way". Meanwhile, patience is the obstacle to overcome and rest assured I cannot do it alone. Anyway, the song's about the emotion you feel in a lost relationship, the pain it causes, but also the realization, later in life, that it was for the better. Hope you like!!

Adolescent Memories

The smile hides the fear inside, hanging on every word, and now I’m slipping fast.
There is a safety here in the unknown
So let’s stay, cause I’m afraid that if I only knew it would kill me.

So tell me that I’ve won your heart
Cause you took mine the day I saw you laugh
I never thought that it might be the most beautiful deception I had ever seen.
To take me, like an empty shot-glass that’s been used and worn
And shatter it on the floor, don’t bother to pick up the pieces anymore.

So tell me how can you trust anything
When rejection sends emotion its final sting
So are you happy, now that you’ve led me astray
My heart’s too weak to compete in your stupid games, you play.

I woke up this morning reluctantly
I wish it never came, 'cause now I feel alone.
I guess I’m better off this way
Maybe I needed to know that love goes farther than her body could ever go
It’s just so hard to understand in my mind
That the best thing that ever could happen to me, felt like the worst thing at the time.

Grandpa's song!!

Many of you may not know, but I lost my grandparents to a car accident in 1997. It was the first experience of death that I had ever been close to. They were headed back to their house in Fortuna, CA in the rain when they hydro-plained into a redwood tree at 70 mph. They were both killed instantly. I had gone with my mom to see them that day and we heard about it when we got home. Honestly, I can't remember how I felt. I was scared and confused, almost in a denial stage where I didn't want to believe it. Over the next few months, I started to miss them terribly, but I never let my emotions show. As a young kid, I was never able to express how I truly felt, so I just kept everything inside. I still miss them alot, but I have alot of great memories with them. I still don't know why they were taken when they were. It still hurts, yet somehow we all press on. I have alot of cool memories of both of them, but my relationship with my grandfather was a special one. We spent alot of time together when I was young. He spoiled me rotten, no douobt about it. Pretty much anything I wanted, within reason, I got, much to my parents dismay. There was so much I admired about him. He was quiet, often to himself, but full of love and pride for his grandsons. He would often take walks in the forests by himself, just taking in the beauty and peace. I definitely saw parts of me in him. A couple months ago, I decided to let out my feelings in a song for him. The first verse is his, but the rest of the song has my grandmother in mind as well. The song deals with the emotions I felt in their deaths: the anger, the pain, the sorrow, but also the joy in the memories that remain alive in me today. The ironic thing about this post is I'm going up to Fortuna this weekend for Easter to visit some other family members. I hate going up there because it feels so cold without them living in it. It's amazing how a place can hold such beauty when someone we love is there. And although it holds beauty within itself, when the ones we love are gone, that place might as well be Hell to us. The beauty I once saw there is gone. They buried it with my grandparents. It may be hard this weekend, but I hope I can just love the people around me and be blessed by that. Anyway, here's the song. I hope everyone who has lost a loved one can relate to it and know that their feelings are shared. To Grandma and Grandpa Jones. I love you very much. Happy Easter everybody!!!

Grandpa’s song

I still remember my days as a child
Skipping rocks on the Eel river shore
Piggy-back rides down on Main Street, Fortuna
We waved as the cars passed us by
Made a trip down to the donut shop
I never left empty-handed
Face full of cheer, with my hands on your beard
Never fearing things to come.

Chorus: When memories sometimes fail me
I won’t let go, I won’t let go
To pictures that lead me far outside my town
And curse the moon and the sky at night
But I’ll see you soon, I just hope that I’ll be alright.

There’s something about the air up north that leaves me suffocating
And the wind blows like a ghost town without a sound on School street
But amidst all the tragedy, I found an interesting lesson
Invest in people, here’s our sequel to an otherwise disappointing ending

Chorus

Bridge: The time we spent, I’ll never forget
We love by example and yours' gave me wings to fly
And I’m catching the current, beginning to soar
I’ll miss you, till I see you one day on that distant shore.
But right now I don’t know if I can make it, I don’t know if I can take it, this pain.

Chorus: … Damn the moon, I hate the sky when it rains at night
And I’m trying hard not to cry, just let all this fear subside, I hope I’ll be alright.