Filling The Void!

As some of you may know, I am the lead singer in the band, Filling the Void. I have decided to write about the band due to the struggles that we are having at this present time. Basically, we have a new CD that will coming out soon that I think we all are excited about. But, as I am sure happens with all other bands, we are not all on the same page as far as our goals are concerned. This last Tuesday, we, the band, were able to talk for about 2 hours discussing our goals and difficulties with the way things have gone thus far for us. It was interesting, helpful, healthy, and frustrating all at the same time. It was quite a turning point for us. Although we are not unified yet in our thinking, I am glad we finally talked about it because it is important to get everything out in the open and be honest about your feelings. The difficult part is we are not all unified when it comes to our direction and the music. These are opinions and feelings that are rooted in each of our experiences with music. They are not going to change overnight, for that matter, they may never change. So, without going into needless detail, we as a band will be doing more praying and discussing than practicing, at least till God gives us more clear direction in our purpose dealing with music. We haven't broken up or anything like that, we're just waiting patiently on God to see if He has a different plan for all of us and our purpose. We'll see what happens. Please keep us in your prayers that God would give us all clear direction about the band and our purpose. Also pray that no matter what happens, even if we never aggree, that nothing would come between us as brothers in Christ. I love my bandmates: Jordan, Kellen, and Ben for the people they are and regardless of what happens in the future, that will not change. Lastly, music means the world to me and I want everyone to know that as long as God continues to give me a desire and passion to play, I 'll never stop!! I encourage everyone to be honest with how you feel. Don't be persuaded without questioning all opinions. Peace my brothas!

One Historical Game!!

I don't know if anyone out there was watching Monday Night Football last night, but if you missed it, you missed History being made. The Chicago Bears took on the Arizona Cardinals at Arizona for week 6 of the NFL season. The game was analyzed over and over again and the verdict was clear. Matt Leinart (Cardinals rookie quarterback) was not going to survive and the Bears were going to cruise to 6-0 without any problems. Then the game was played. Rex Grossman (Bears quarterback) had Bernard Berrian wide open the first play of the game and overthrew him. It went all downhill from there. Rex proceeded to have the worst game of his career. He looked unsure about every pass, forcing things that just weren't there. He, alone, turned the ball over to the Cardinals 4 out of the total 6 turnovers that the Bears had. Anyone with half a brain knows that you can't win when you turn the ball over 6 times, right? On the other side, probably the most impressive thing about the entire game was Matt Leinart. He was amazing. He was poised and calm in the pocket driving the Cardinals to a 20-3 first half lead. In the second half, it started off with much of the same. The Bears were unable to move the ball offensively and the Cardinals were able to move it efficiently. Without writing for days just giving you play by play, it was 23-3 by the end of the third quarter. With two seconds left in that quarter, Mark Anderson (Bears rookie defensive end) sacked Leinart, he fumbled, and Mike Brown ran it in for the touchdown. In the 4th quarter, alot happened in 15 minutes to explain here, but the Bears ended up winning the game 24-23.
I talked to my brothers and Joe Schlabach after the game and all of us were completely dumbfounded at what we just saw. I'm a huge Bears fan and I'm glad we won, but it still feels surreal, almost like we didn't win. Never in the History of any game has one team dominated the other for almost it's entirety and still lost. It was absolutely incredible. There was only one positive about our play that contributed to the win worth mentioning and that's the play of our defense, especially Brian Urlacher. They never gave up. As long as there were minutes left on that clock, they were still in the game. They were the backbone that held strong and brought the victory. Here is another historical stat for you. It was the first time in History that a team has come back from a 20 point deficit in 1 quarter to win Without Any Offense!! I am not kidding. The comeback was defensive touchdowns and one punt return for a touchdown. Ponder that for awhile. For the Bears, it was a poorly played game and changes have to be made in the bye week to be more prepared for the rest of the season. We got the win, but we should treat like a loss because that's how we played. For the Cardinals, this might be one of the sadest days of the year. Everything was going so perfect for them. They were showing the world what kind of team they are capable of being. But I believe there is a mentality in some coaches and players of bad teams that causes them to "sit on it" when they are close to victory. The Cardinals did not finish. Grossman gave them every opportunity to seal the deal and they didn't. Instead of attacking the Bears secondary which is what they had been doing all game long, they ran the ball and punted. This is what defines a team as good or bad. All teams have the potential to succeed and get better each year, but until they learn how to play 4 quarters and finish games strong, they will remain a bad team. What a game!! The Bears are now 6-0 going into their bye week. They get the 49Ers at Home next. Hopefully they will not underestimate the 49ers like they did the Cardinals.

Rockin wit the Southern Boys!!

I went to a concert in San Francisco with John and Andrew last night. It was a great show. It probably went on too long, but all the bands were awesome. William Elliot Whitmore opened. It's the second time I have seen him. He was awesome as usual. You gotta love a good ol' boy from Iowa with a banjo. Rocky Votolato played next. He was great as usual too. All of his songs are so soothing. John was driving so I took a few back which didn't hurt the soothing factor. Apparently that's was the theme for the night anyway. The headliner was Lucero, a Southern rock band from Tennessee that claim that the drunker you are, the better they sound. Let me tell you this is not true. They were awesome. They have a great sound and the lead singer has a rough, raspy southern voice to compliment the sound perfectly. They were quite tight as a band too. This was especially amazing considering the amount of shots they were taking throughout the show. Definitely a band that you want to drink too. I'm not encouraging drunkeness, I'm just saying having a few beers goes well with their music. All of us liked them alot. Rocky came on stage during their last couple songs to play harmonica and take a couple shots with the other guitarist. You could tell they were having fun on stage and getting into the music. Good times! The only drawback was a bunch of drunk people in the crowd being stupid. Someone kept throwing drinks to the front of the crowd. I got hit twice. Not my lucky night I guess. Once in the head with ice and whatever else, and once in the back where Jack Daniels got all over my sweatshirt. Now I wasn't sober, but some might think I went swimming in it. That part sucked. Plus this one girl was so plastered she collapsed for no good reason right in front of John and myself. We helped her up and I don't think she had a clue what happened. I don't know why people take it that far. To me, you can't enjoy the show if your to the point where you can't stand up. Anyways, all in all we had a good time. Later!

Brokeness leads to Redemption!

A friend of mine recently wrote on how down he is on life right now. The only reason I feel compelled to write a blog of my own is because I can't comment on his. The website expired me. Basically, I just want to encourage him and all others who are struggling with the meaninglessness of life. I struggle with this all the time. It seems every day floats right past you. You feel like you want to pause it so you can breathe, but you can't. Everything is exactly what it seems. Sometimes I too feel like I 'm waiting for something to blow my mind and the only thing that does is the Chicago Bears. Believe me, I love my Bears, but it is just football and there is more important things in life. This my friends, the very fact that life seems so mundean, is what test's our faith so much. Sometimes having faith in something is the hardest part about being a human. Honestly, for me, it would be impossible if I didn't see it in others. People don't realize how important we are to each other. To see Faith lived out, to be apart of watching someone grow stronger makes us stronger. It builds our Faith. The truth is, I hate being broken. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate the fact that I can't get away from the one sin that hurts me the most, that hurts my faith the most, lust. Sometimes, I feel like a con-man who goes to Church and tries to be open and honest with everyone, but hides his lust out of fear, out of shame. I was watching this documentary on Satanic Worship on the History channel the other night and it was interesting how the worshippers basically believe in the philosophy that you should embrace your feelings and your impulses and act on them proudly, thanking Satan for them. It scared the shit out of me because that's me, besides the whole "thanking Satan" part. I do embrace the natural, sinful impulses I have. I do act on them. I embrace them over Christ and it kills me. All I want is to live for Christ and find joy in it. I know life is corrupt and vile. Hell, I'm corrupt and vile! I'm just sick of living drenched in sin. I honestly do feel like an avalanche is falling on me and I can't escape. But I also know that this knowledge and desire to change is the first step to brokenness that leads to redemption. I'm almost to the point of not turning on the T.V unless it is a game or The Office. I can't continue to put myself in situations to embrace sin. Father, please have mercy on your child. I believe that when we reach the point where we are so battered we can't go on any more, only then will our eyes be opened to see Redemption just beyond the haze. Jars of Clay has a song entitled, Redemption. It really spoke to me, especially after reading my friend's blog. Here are the lyrics. I think they conclude my thoughts perfectly:

We made it to a strange town

Going down the wrong road

Like any story retold

We couldn't find a common ending

We're way gone, be gone, looking for our own way

We needed a distraction

You said you were redemption

We knew it as a wrong turn

We couldn't know the things we'd gain

When we reach the other border

We look out way down past the road we came from

We're looking at redemption

It was hidden in the landscape

Of loss and love and fire and rain

We never would come this way

Looking for redemption

We were looking out past the road we came from

Looking at redemption

Hidden in the landscape

Of loss and love and fire and rain

We never would have come this way

Looking for redemption

In the eyes of sorrow, eyes of rage

What a sordid histories they played

The drama of redemption

Redemption

Taking a deeper Look...

I watched "Grizzly Man" the other day for the 5th time. I love that movie. I know their is alot of tragedy and sadness in Timothy Treadwell's life and death, but his interactions with the camera are absolutley hilarious. Each time I watch it, I tend to laugh more and more. But this time, I saw something more than just an idiot who is completely out of touch with reality. I actually saw what the director, Werner Herzog, was trying to portray. There was som much more to Treadwell than just a "Bear lover" who wanted to save Grizzllies and bring knowledge and awareness about them to the public. Herzog used the footage and scenery as metaphors to show the turmoil that was deep inside of Treadwell. The struggles of alcoholism, relationships, desiring a purpose for his life. These were all things that were burdening Treadwell every second he was alive. He used the camera as a confessional to open up about his life and his struggles. Treadwell had the idea that the Wild land where the Bears lived was perfect and untainted. He believed he loved it so much because there was harmony there where the world of people was full of hate and judgement. While I aggree that there is a sense of serenity and peace to Wild land, it is just as harsh and vile as our world. Treadwell began to see this as he lived more and more out there. But I don't think he ever quite understood. I guess what hit me was that while I laugh at him, my heart also aches for him because his struggles were no different than anyone else. I guess it sucks even more when we chase after lasting meaning in places that cannot fulfill our wishes. One thing I like that the director pointed out in the end of the movie was that whether you aggree with Treadwell's mission to save the bears was right or wrong gets lost in the fog. Treadwell is dead. The only thing that remains is his footage. Unbelievable footage that takes our breath away and teaches us that perfection does not exist anywhere he on earth. It teaches us that we all want to find purpose in our lives. The importance is being sure of what that is and that it will last. In my opinion, this is what did bring meaning to Timothy Treadwell's life and death. I recommend this movie if you haven't seen it.