Feeling a little down, again!

Iv'e been feeling sad for a couple days, but today especially. I decided to blog about it in the hopes people will comment to encourage, convict, rebuke, whatever you want. I asked a girl I'm interested in to lunch last Monday and she said yes and to email her with a day we could go. Maybe I got my hopes up to fast, but she didn't email me back once I had given her a day. I don't know why. Maybe she didn't even get it for some reason, but nevertheless, I'm left feeling hopeless once again. On top of that, I bought Garden State today and watched it. Upon seeing it again, I realized how much I loved it and how good it was. But it didn't make me feel good. Instead, I felt even more depressed. I tried to write a song about it, but the words were just bitter and jumbled and I couldn't make sense of them. Also, I watched the finale of The Office on Thursday and it was wonderful. Easily the best finale on TV. But as sweet as the ending was, it left me feeling bittersweet. This may sound cheezy, but the look in Pam's eyes when Jim asked her to dinner made me feel lonely and honestly, jealous, more than it did happy. I know these are fictional shows, but they still have alot of reality behind them. I guess I just want so badly to have someone who looks at me that way. Patience has never been one of my strong characteristics. Maybe I'm not ready. I don't know. It's just hard to enjoy things that deal with relationships with the opposite sex when you don't have one. Maybe I'm just an emotional wreck too. Anyway, I want you all to know that I do feel loved by those around me. In fact, it is the only thing that keeps me going. If you think about me at all during the day, please pray for me. Lord knows I need it!! And also know that without you, my life would be utterly meaningless. Thanks for listening to me vent. Here is a song I wrote a while back while I was in similair state. It's called Shades of Lavender. Much love to you all!!

Shades of Lavender

The Motivation wears so thin, It’s been so long since I felt the tension in my skin
No time for action in this strange attraction to remain pacified.

Chorus: So I lay here, watching the shapes on the ceiling
Colliding and competing for the right to keep my attention
Waiting for shades of lavender to grace my sky
Bringing something brilliant to my life.

Inspiration knocks on my door
He wants to talk but I feel too bored.
Besides, I’m much too busy to waste my time with someone new.
Faith and I, we used to hold hands, walking down that narrow path.
I must have missed something cause now she’s gone and I feel so lonely
Not to mention, the road is much wider than before.

Chorus

Vicious spiral come and claim your prisoner
He’s had enough and he’s ready to give in.
A beautiful arrangement of violins plays the saddest song to accompany this tragic end
Can we afford to waste all this time without searching for something bigger than ourselves.

Chorus

New Song!!!

No, this isn't really a new song. Just a new post. The lyrics I wrote to this song are largely based on the novel, "Brave New World". After reading the book last year, I knew I wanted to write a song about it. Finally it came. Although, I like the way it turned out, I'm not sure I spent as much time with the music on this one. It may end up as a b side rather than showing up on my cd. I don't know, we'll see. Nevertheless, I still like it alot and I can feel the passion every time I play it. I call it "The Great Condition". I took what is known as "The Great Commission" and changed it to look at how society shapes the world we live in and ultimately, if were not careful, control's it. Enough said. I think the song speaks for itself. Also, on another note, I am finding more and more how incredibly important the relationships we have are. I am constantly encouraged by the support and love of the people God has placed in my life. I can only hope and pray that he does this same good work in my heart. Much love to you all. I went to see Conan O' Brien in San Francisco on Friday. Conan fun and funny, Standing in line for 3 hours not fun or funny!!!!

The Great Condition
Doctor, Doctor, there is something wrong with the patient, he keeps responding
Telling me these issues that he harbor’s deep within cause too much pain to be a spark of imagination.

Chorus: Refill the Soma, police arrest this man he knows too much
Crush all that threatens what we’ve worked for
Call in the Medic, we have spotted someone thinking on their own
Let the drugs kick in then we’ll see just who has control.

Stare into white lights shining through the center of the wall inside your bubble.
And every time you feel a piece of something real, take two of these and let the light take you home.

Chorus

Bridge: Tell me son why don’t you just do what your told
You know your independence is a federal offense
Son, please just make the best of all these cruel intentions
You know I love you, but it’s seen through glossy eyes.

Perhaps we’ve gone too far. Maybe these feelings we should have pushed away.
I guess all I am to be lies in fluffy white lies, all I ever wanted was some meaning
But I’m just dreaming… So
Chorus