Listen to me!!

Jordan spoke today in church and it was powerful. It wasn't anything new or earth-shattering, but just convicting. Why? because we never seem to do it. It was about Listening. I think we as humans often dismiss the importance of listening. We put listening and hearing in the same sentence when they don't belong together. I know I often have to catch myself when I am "attempting" to listen to someone because I'm thinking about something else. I thought Jordan's connection between the book, "How to read a book", and listening was perfect. The author points out that we often merely scan the pages and do not retain the information that is there. That is the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is acknowledging that someone is speaking or a sound is noticeable. Listening is actually retaining the info that someone is sharing with you. I guess this is so important because we are tired of being neglected. We all want people to care, we want to believe that what we say is not only heard, but retained. So often people try to show affection or sympathy in so many ways that just end up being annoying or frustrating. But when someone is simply their to listen to you because they want to understand your feelings or simply because they care, that's when connections are made between us. That's how we can begin to love each other. There is many times I wish I could simplify myself. I want to become a better listener. It takes a release of pride, I guess. To stop being so selfish and be more concerned with others than myself. I often feel ashamed of who I am. I want to believe that God is molding me into a better person, but my character causes me to have setbacks. It sucks, but I know that God has placed people in my life for me to listen to. I think that is what is redeeming. I can say that with confidence. I would encourage everyone to listen to each other. Work at it because like reading, it is not a mindless task. I think we'll find that it is a far better way of communicating sometimes than trying to find the right words. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Be kind to one another! PEACE.

Filling The Void, no more?

Well, for those of you that know or care, Filling the Void has been quiet for awhile. We have a new Cd, in which small changes have to be made, but we all are looking forward to getting it out there. As for Filling the Void, we are putting it to bed for the time being. Although it is sad that we are breaking up as a band, we still love each other and know that it is solely due to personal differences related to the musical direction of the band. Right now, Kellen, Ben, and myself have talked about doing a side project, an acoustic band, at least until we talk more about the possibility of getting another drummer and starting FTV back up again. I really don't want to rush out and get a drummer right now. I know the guys are upset we haven't played a rock show in a long time, but we are a close-knit group that started from our church within and I'm not ready to bring someone from the outside in who we don't know. Besides, I like the idea of starting an acoustic band. I think it would be fun. We'll see, anyways, I just wanted to let you all know the status of our band and what has been going on. Thank you to everyone who supported us and loved us throughout these past 3-4 years, I think it has been that long. Know that you were appreciated. FTV is not dead, just asleep. We will wait and see what God does in the future. If we do go ahead with the side project, we will let you know the name of our band as soon as we get one. Also our last FTV release, hopefully, will be available soon to everyone. Thank you to Kellen, Ben, and Jordan for a memorable experience. You guys rock!! On another note, I'm trying to fight back a cold and it sucks. Hope it goes away soon. Later.

Watching Yourself Fade Away!

The more each day goes by, the more I wonder about my life and what purpose it serves. I have been listening to Copeland's new record "Eat, Sleep, Repeat", alot lately. I love it because it does describe so simply the meaningless of life in general. But lately, I have been seeing it in my spiritual life as well. How much does Christ really mean to me? I know it is good to have struggles and to wrestle with what you believe, I think I'm just tired of wrestling. I want to be confident and sure of my faith and I can't say I am right now. Ever since I injured my back, All my time has been devoted to myself: recovering, taking care of myself, dealing with the pain. I don't know why exactly, but I have been wondering if I have any faith at all. How do I find joy in something when there is nothing there? Counting Crows have a song where Adam says, "It's a sin to be fading endlessly, but she's alright with me". That's what I feel like right now. I feel like I'm slowly fading away from Christ, wanting and desiring the things he says to stay away from. I feel like I just don't know anything anymore and I can't see God moving. Tool has a song I like called "Sober" where the chorus says, "Why can't we not be sober, I just want to start this over, why can't we drink/(sleep) forever, I just want to start this over". I feel like that sometimes. I have asked God that myself. "God, why can't I have this escape?" "Why can't I live suspended in dreams"? I defintely feel just as lost, sometimes, as the next guy. But I don't want to give up. I know God exists and I know he wants me to be devoted to him. I just feel like I haven't felt his presence in a long time and I need it so badly. I know I have quoted too many songs already, but Counting Crows have another song where Adam says, "There has to be a change I'm sure, today was just a day fading into another, and that can't be what a life is for". I love this line, it speaks to me so much. That is what I see when I look out into the world. And I don't want my life to be the same. I want it to be different. I want it to make a difference. Please, God, don't let me fade away because, honestly, I don't feel you right now.

Where have all the Bloggers gone?

It seems that the whole blogging community has gone on vacation, including myself. I guess there is not much to write about these days. Anyway, I thought I would check in. I hurt my back on Monday. The doctor said it was a muscle spasm or a pinched nerve. I don't know what it was exactly but it hurt like Hell. I've never felt pain like that before in my life. I've been pretty much immobile for the past couple days and just got back to work, doing light work and not lifting anything. Thank you for all your prayers and concerns. Hopefully God took them as priority over my constant cursing and anger due to the pain. Looking forward to the trip down South with Almost There. Filling The Void will be doing possibly two acoustic shows with them in San Luis Obispo and Santa Cruz. It will be cool playing our music for people who have never heard it before. Plus just being on a road trip with all the guys should be fun too. Almost There has some great new music which I am looking forward to hearing on CD. Keep praying for our band and its struggles. God can do things even when it doesn't look humanly possible. On another musical note, just bought Dead Poetic and Copeland's new albums. Both are really good. Dead Poetic has matured quite a bit, especially in their lyric writing. Not the same as the last album, musically, but it still has alot of great qualities to it. The song "Vices" is really powerful. Copeland is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands. They seem to progress each album they make. This one is called "Eat, Sleep, Repeat", which I love because it points to the monotonous, mundean aspects of life. The only way I can put this is the album is beautiful. From the artwork down to each song, it is a masterpiece. I loved their first record, In Motion was good, but this may be their best work yet. Aaron Marsh's vocals are amazing and their definitely is more of a theatrical presence to his vocals on this record than the last ones. So, I've been enjoying listening to those new albums trying to not think about my back. Much love to all my homies. By the way, did anyone see the Bears, 49Ers game. I believe it was 41-0 at Half. I don't remember the last time that has happened. If I only could have seen all those people who were laughing at me during the pre-season game. To say it was an ass-kicking wouldn't do it justice. DA BEARS!!!